Although I had spent years working on confidence and healing the “not good enough” voice that plagued my consciousness, something was still very wrong inside. When you grow up in an abusive, alcoholic family, the wounds are deep, and in many cases at an unconscious level. Although I had quieted the voice in my head that constantly echoed the “you’re not good enough” sentiments, I had not addressed the even bigger mountain: self-worth.
You’re Worth It
Although my actions were far from self-less, I had not embraced my actual worth as a soul, much less as an imperfect human being. I didn’t truly LOVE myself, as myself, no matter what. Said another way, I still believed that my value was external: the success I had, the impact made, the influence wielded, the relationships held, etc. This resulted in my seeking worth externally, and caused me unintentionally to attract relationships that exploited that brokenness.
When you place your value outside of yourself, you remain hostage to an external world, as well as to people and situations that can hurt you. Conversely, when you truly value yourself NO MATTER WHAT, then you are no longer at odds with the ways of the divine, in this case…rejection being God’s protection.
You see, those business failures, those relationships I lost, those times I was hurt, they were simply preparation for more. They lit the path to healing.
Can You Feel the Love?
February is the month of love – a time to tell those around us how much we care, and a time to celebrate the very act of loving. The question though, isn’t how much you show love to others, but how well you show love to yourself.
Ask yourself the following questions. Do you…
- KNOW your value personally and professionally?
- Do you protect your boundaries?
- Can you say no, as well as you can say yes?
- Do you honor commitments to yourself first, before commitments to others?
- Do you invest in your own well being with things like adequate down time, improving health, and finding time for hobbies?
- Do you let outside forces (people, situations) change your mood, or do you find happiness and joy internally?
- And, if you make a mistake, do you still KNOW that you are still awesome, just the way you are?
Here’s what I learned that fated weekend: I deserve better. I deserve MORE.
It’s only when we KNOW that we deserve better, that we are able to actually seek it. When we accept ourselves just as we are, regardless of what anyone else thinks of us, or what mistakes we make, then and only then are we truly free.
Yes I still fail. And, yes I still get hurt. BUT now in spite of those external forces, I now know my value. I know my worth.